EATING disorders are serious and often misunderstood mental health conditions that go way beyond just food. Anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa are two of the most common and can take a huge toll both physically and emotionally. While they’re more common in women, men struggle too.
According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), approximately 0.9 per cent of women and 0.3 per cent of men will suffer with anorexia. For bulimia, it is about 1.5 per cent of women and 0.5 per cent of men. But the real numbers could be even higher since a lot of people suffer in silence, especially guys who might feel ashamed to speak up.
What is clear is that eating disorders don’t discriminate – and recovery isn’t easy. But for some, finding strength in the gym has helped them rewrite their stories.
Diane Manning and Hayley Brylewski are two female bodybuilders who have faced down one of the toughest battles: anorexia. For both women, competitive bodybuilding became more than a sport – it became a lifeline. Through lifting, discipline and a focus on strength over size, they found a way to heal, grow and reclaim control over their bodies and minds. Here are their words:
Please tell the readers a bit about your background. What was your life like before you got into bodybuilding?
Diane Manning [DM]: "I never really liked sports at school. Outside of school I went to dance classes, then got into horse riding, but the gym was not on my radar. I was just an “ordinary girl”, a little on the soft side, always trying to lose weight and then putting it back on. Trying different diets, but never really exercising."
Hayley Brylewski [HB]: "I actually started as a runner (sprinting, hurdles, multi events). I went national and played basketball for England. Then I fell into distance running which was where my anorexia stemmed from. I was working at David Lloyd getting my personal training qualification. I was teaching exercise classes, so I have been into training from a very young age."
How did you fall into bodybuilding? And how did you come to start competing?
DM: "I had finally lost a lot of weight but felt loose, skinny fat, so I wanted to “tone” everything up. I worked full-time but had no hobbies outside of that and wanted something proactive to do with my spare time. And I loved the gym instantly and went nearly every day. I loved lifting the weights but also spent too much time on cardio machines. Because I wanted to burn as many calories as possible so that I could at least eat a little something. I continued like this for about 12 years. My main goal was to be the tiniest little gym rat on the planet. I don’t know why, I just wanted to be tiny ripped.
"After a short break, I realised I was really compromising my health long term. I became worried about my hormones and osteoporosis in later life. So I joined a new gym that had just opened very close to my work and, with a new mindset in place, I decided to talk to the trainers in there and research everything I could about bodybuilding. And most importantly how to eat. It changed everything. I accepted I would probably look worse before I looked better because I would need to put on weight, but I was determined to try.
"After about a year of training there a PT who was a competitive bodybuilder who approached me and asked if I’d ever thought about competing. He had been watching how I trained, thought I trained very well and was making excellent progress. I waited another year and then I stepped on stage for the first time."
HB: "I fell into bodybuilding. I met my ex-partner at David Lloyd who was a natural bodybuilder. He convinced me to try a show as I was training with weights and fell in love with it."
Did bodybuilding help or hinder your anorexia to begin with?
DM: "Both really I guess. It was a complete mind mess on somedays, still can be. But the results were coming, I felt better than I’d ever felt inside myself and my physique was changing. My body felt “well” – a new feeling for me. It was being nourished properly for the first time in 25-plus years. But still I would worry about the calories consumed and tried to keep within certain weight parameters."
HB: "It absolutely helped my anorexia as it’s a very structured and controlled thing, but it got me into a more healthy way of life and training. So actually eating more protein and more food with the right training, but still had control over it."
Do you find it easy to prep for comps?
DM: "Initially yes, because even in the late stages of prep I was eating more food than I’d ever allowed myself to have in previous years. And it was balanced, nutritious food. My body was actually in heaven! In the last couple of years of competing I have found it more difficult because I actually love food now and hate being restricted so much and being hungry."
HB: "I actually love prepping. I find the discipline with it great and I love to see my body change."
How do you cope with the food and training schedule on prep?
DM: "I’ve been doing this for many, many years now, so my lifestyle completely revolves around it. Getting up ridiculously early to get cardio and training in before work, doing more cardio in my lunch break, it’s all part of my usual routine. I rarely go out of an evening through choice, making sure I’m in bed nice and early to be able to cope with the 4am alarm.
"I’m very focused on my training and nutrition year round. So apart from being hungrier and doing a bit extra cardio, not much else is different. The whole lifestyle thing, 24/7, 365 is key in my opinion to being successful, in anything."
HB: "I keep food on prep the same as off season, so it's absolutely easy."
Does being an (ex) anorexic effect your ability to bulk?
DM: "Yes absolutely, I have the “little voice” (as I call it) still in the back of my head. It’s been with me for over 30 years now and it’s hard to smother it completely. Eating more than feels comfortable and watching myself getting softer and softer, the scale going up, is incredibly tough. The “little voice” guilts and shames me. Which brings me to how I actually see myself. I’m a “recovering anorexic” rather than an “ex” because I’m still dealing with it every day."
HB: "I do find it hard to get out of shape. Even if I’m eating the most food I ever have, my body definitely stays leaner. But I do find it hard to get out of shape, I feel my performance also drops and I feel unhealthy."
Are you OK with gaining weight and fat during off season?
DM: "No, I hate getting softer and putting on too much weight. I’ve never really done a big bulk because mentally I can’t handle it. I know my body needs it to grow but my mind really struggles. I worry I’ll never get the weight off again. This usually results in me cutting short any bulking plans and following a deficit plan again."
HB: "I don’t mind gaining weight. I now love my body a little heavier as I know that’s where progress is made and I like more shape, but I still love my body in prep."
As you are established in bodybuilding and the industry, do you feel pressure to look a certain way all year round? Is this pressure internal or external?
DM: "On a positive day no, but let’s be honest we all scroll through social media and we see posts of shredded or prepping athletes and we wish we were in the same condition. I don’t want to walk around looking like I don’t train seriously. And I have a sense of my own pride and how hard and for how long I’ve fought to get into this shape and I want to maintain it and improve it for ever. So I guess that’s yes and yes to internal and external influences."
HB: "I’m pretty well known in the world of bodybuilding. I've been competing for 15 or 16 years. I do feel a little pressure to look fit and healthy muscular because its my job, but I love to keep my body in check."
Do you have any words of encouragement or advice for anyone suffering with an eating disorder who are thinking of competing?
DM: "Someone suffering with an eating disorder will have very low self-esteem, incredibly low confidence and believe they are not good enough. Preparing for a competition can focus their mind, help them learn to believe in themselves, in their inner strength and courage. It’s a fine line, as some will fall the other way because it is an incredibly tough thing to do. I fear for some it could exacerbate the disorder, bringing it into high focus. Making them feel like they will fail because of it.
"But it could be the making of them. Learning how to work with your body with balanced nutrition is such a positive outcome, which will then hopefully spill over into life beyond/ outside of competing. The achievement felt after having completed your goal is second to none. When you have pushed yourself past all previously held beliefs. You come out far stronger on the other side."
HB: "If anyone wants to compete, take your time, there’s no rush. It takes time to build the body and do it for the right reasons. You can still look amazing and not have to get on stage. Stage isn’t always the healthiest. The thing to do is make sure you’re in a good routine and good head space before you think about it, as you don’t want triggers sending you back to the roots of anorexia. But the more you do it and the less food focused you become, the more good food becomes a priority and you see the benefits of what it does to your body to help grow tissue and improve."
So for some, bodybuilding isn’t just about gains – it’s about taking your life back. Who knew swapping self-doubt for protein shakes and flexing in the mirror could be so therapeutic? OK, so you still can’t open a jar of pickles without grunting like you’ve hit a PB, but progress is progress. And remember, healing doesn’t have to be perfect – it just has to start. And sometimes, it starts with a dumbbell and a dream.
*Read more from Louise Plumb here
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