I wake at 4am. Same routine because Nathan is stateside with Yinka at the Olympia. It's 8pm there. Pics, weight, back to bed till 6am. Plans drop alongside the comment: "Absolutely crazy look. Hard, full and vascular and you've only just woken up. This is only going to get better." Before Meal 1, I have a strong, sharp coffee. The plan is to have two meals before stage and two litres of water. Salt remains consistent. I'm relaxed. No stomach pain today like last week at my opening show.
Laura and I both wake, dress – I can't shower due to having a base coat of tan from the night before – and make our way to the venue. It's like a who's who of Instagram. The base coat of Pro Tan has me looking ridiculously dark, but even so the tanner asks if I've even had a base coat. Top coat goes on. 2Bros run their show with an iron fist. Officials patrol the tanning area calling numbers, telling relevant competitors to get their glaze, then get backstage to pump up. It's warm backstage, which really helps — you're more vascular when it's warm, and pumping up is more manageable.
I know I need to pump up more for this one, as we try to match the post-workout look we've tracked every day for two weeks. I start with biceps, then shoulders, then move into my weakest bodypart – chest. Four to five sets of 15-20 reps with bands. Then press-ups. Officials have us queueing two classes deep, ready to go on. At this stage I'm just keeping the pump by posing hard, squeezing the muscle.
We're on. I wave to the crowd as if I know them all and they know me. I only know my wife, Laura. Quick comparison of the four of us. Not even quarter turn side poses. Then off. Back on for 20-second individual posing. I show them my best front poses but not my back, which is generally weaker. Before I know it, we're off stage. Then I have to wait more than an hour just for posing routines and awards.
I'm chosen as the winner. Such an addictive feeling. Two shows, two wins so far on this return.
Sunday, September 27
We're up early for my son Oliver's football match. 9.15am arrival and it's a 40-minute drive. Some other football parents have a bit of banter about my tan — looks like jaundice, apparently. Ollie plays well but has an issue with his plantar fascia. He gets through it. Another strong showing. Back to baseline diet today: 1900 calories today and tomorrow. We will likely start loading again on Tuesday into the PCA Masters in Hull next Saturday, October 3.
Monday, September 28
Baseline again. I'm starting to feel washed out, for no other reason than the two shows, I'd imagine. Post-workout look is strong again — wild, in fact. Condition just keeps getting better.
It's Fudge's birthday today, one of my four cockapoos. She is four. Laura and Georgia, my daughter, insist on going out to buy her some bits. I choose to stay because I have a ton of writing to do for FrontDouble and News Uncut. They return with doggy cakes and film themselves singing happy birthday to Fudge, who seems to sit there attentively until they've finished, before grabbing her cupcake and padding off down into the living room.
Tuesday, September 29
Day 1 of PCA load. Higher carbs. Raisins and honey back in with my rice and chicken. Gorgeous meal. Rice pudding doubles from 50g to 100g. Must remember to buy some more — always get caught short needing some urgently. Post-workout pics are insane again. Really need to nail this look for the stage on Saturday.
Wednesday, September 30
Hugely tired today. I'm assuming it's the extra carbs, because there's no cardio at this stage and steps are moderate.
I get a text from school while I'm at work — Ollie's been given another detention. A few minutes late in the morning because the traffic on the school approach is appalling. Why does the school think it's OK to book detentions in my time? When the school day ends, that is my time. Turns out they have government permission and don't need parental consent. We live in a dangerous world where schools and government can override parental consent. He will now miss football training because of this, and no one can collect him when detention finishes due to work. That is why these things must be arranged with parents and not forced on them.
Laura calls the school and they are, as usual, unhelpful, but promise to wait with him until someone gets there. I'm waiting at the school for an hour. No sign of Ollie. Laura can't reach them on the phone because the school is now shut. I find a teacher and, staying calm, explain how disappointed I am that the school seems to want to crush him and ruin his experience so early on. I express my fear that I have no idea where my 11-year-old is. Turns out the school did not wait with him as promised, and he made the decision to walk home alone. He is now in trouble. And so is the school. But hey, they got their 30-minute detention.
I receive my feedback from the 2Bros head judge. Pretty awesome: "Conditioning was good, your physique is balanced, shape is good and skin still good also. Nothing wrong to say except keep growing if you can while preserving that balance and aesthetic." Noted. Off-season pending.
Thursday, October 1 – PCA Masters, two days out
Two days out. I remember I am competing Saturday. I finish and publish my 2Bros colour piece from last Saturday, set up Sibel Osman's Road to Milan piece, and start on a feature with the excellent Official Body Muscle Art. All before client work and my own job.
I see some other Over 50s competitors on social media and the nerves start to kick in. Everyone is telling me how good I am and that they can't see anyone beating me. The positivity makes me uncomfortable, and I know it's never as clean-cut as that. I also know not to focus on others. But that is always easier said than done.
Friday, October 2 – PCA Masters, one day out
The day got progressively worse as it went on. Dropped Ollie to school in plenty of time. Daughter unwell so didn't go. He finishes at 2pm on Fridays, so we planned to get him picked up by his mother-in-law, then travel to Hull early.
No work today as overtime finished, but had to go in for a team meeting — AGM role up for grabs. This gives me something to think about. Had to buy more whey protein and more asparagus on the way home; we're putting in 100g of asparagus over four meals today, together with 1g vitamin C, as both work as a mild diuretic, although I'm not a fan of diuretics. Muscle is 70% water and needs water to be hard and full, so pulling water never makes any sense, even mildly.
Late getting back home and still need to take the dogs out. On the walk, I get a text from the school: Ollie was a few minutes late to a lesson and now they want to give him a 30-minute detention today after school. My blood hits boiling point in record time. This is the third time they have tried to enforce an arbitrary same-day detention in my time. I have already written to them saying they have no authority over my time, and all they said is they have government permission and don't need my permission to keep my children after school. This is a dangerous route to go down. The government does not own my children either.
We still haven't left for Hull, so plans for an early departure are now scuppered. We eventually leave but it takes us more than five hours to arrive at the Airbnb. I reach the base-coat tanning venue at 8pm, only to realise former England rugby captain and World Cup winner Phil Vickery is competing. I make a mental note to try and nab him for an interview tomorrow. He's competed before but never at a show I've done.
I finally sit down at 9.30pm to eat Meal 4 — two meals behind and two litres behind. I still have writing to do. And I remember, finally, I'm actually supposed to be competing again tomorrow.
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